Manifesto for Agile Software Development: Translated

We are uncovering better ways of to ruin developing
software by doing it and helping others do it micromanaging the team unnecessarily.
Through this work we have come to value:

Individuals and interactions over processes and tools

Lots of inflexible "Agile" Scrum practices like:

Working software over comprehensive documentation

Never being able to figure out how anything works because we've instilled a culture which rejects documenting anything.

Customer collaboration over contract negotiation

Promoting our ideology by using false dichotomies like claiming that contract negotiation somehow prohibits customer collaboration.

Responding to change over following a plan

Wasting ungodly numbers of hours in sprint planning meetings and backlog grooming sessions all supposedly in the name of not overplanning.

That is, while there is value in the items on
the right, we value the items on the left more.

Agile and its most popular incarnation Scrum are strangling the joy out of software development as a career. Your company might have adopted it with the best of intentions, but that's not enough. Please consider retiring it and streamlining your processes and tools. Everyone involved will be happier for it.

"The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. I laid the first stone right there. I'd committed myself. I'd pay any price, go to any lengths, because my cause was righteous. My intentions were good. In the beginning, that seemed like enough."

Image of Captain Benjamin Sisko

This website: it's a faaaaake!

Made with love for the Agile Manifesto and its tremendous effect on the business of developing software.

See also the Half-Arsed Agile Manifesto, written by another critic.